There are moments in life when the desire for change rises—not as a clear goal, but as a vague ache. You feel the pull toward something different, yet you don’t know what that “different” is. You can’t see the path, and more unsettling still, you can’t quite see yourself walking it.

This is not a failure of will. It’s the beginning of transformation.

Change, in its earliest form, is rarely a plan. It’s a question. And that question—however fragmented or conflicted—can lay the foundation for a journey toward clarity, self-understanding, and action. Coaching and psychotherapy offer two distinct but complementary lenses through which this journey can begin.

The Ambiguity of Wanting Change

To want change without knowing its shape is a deeply human experience. It often arises from:

  • Incongruence between your current life and your internal values
  • Self-image limitations, where you can’t imagine yourself as someone who could change
  • Internal conflict, where the content of your desire clashes with other parts of your identity
  • Existential uncertainty, where the question isn’t “What do I want?” but “Who am I becoming?”

Carl Rogers, a pioneer of humanistic psychology, described incongruence as a mismatch between one’s self-concept and lived experience—a state that generates anxiety and inner conflict. When you feel the need for change but can’t visualise it, you may be living in this psychological gap.

The Self You Can’t Yet See

Self-esteem plays a quiet but powerful role in change. If you don’t believe you’re capable of transformation, the desire for change becomes emotionally distant—something you want but can’t imagine embodying.

Psychotherapy helps you explore the roots of this self-image: Early conditioning and relational patterns, Internalised beliefs about worth and capability, Emotional wounds that distort perception of self.

Coaching, meanwhile, helps you begin to reconstruct that image: Visualising future possibilities, Building confidence through small, aligned actions and Reframing limiting narratives into empowering ones.

Together, they help you move from “I can’t see myself doing this” to “I’m beginning to believe I could.”

The Inner Conflict of Desire

Sometimes the desire for change itself feels contradictory. You want something new, but it doesn’t make sense. You feel drawn to a different life, but parts of you resist. This tension is not a flaw—it’s a signal.

Psychotherapy offers space to explore this conflict:

  • What parts of you are afraid of change?
  • What values are being challenged?
  • What past experiences are shaping your hesitation?

Coaching helps you hold both sides of the conflict while still moving forward:

  • Clarifying what “change” means to you
  • Identifying micro-steps that honour both desire and doubt
  • Creating a plan that’s flexible, not rigid

This dual approach allows you to act without betraying your complexity.

The Existential Layer: “I Don’t Know What I Want”

This is perhaps the most honest place to begin. The desire for change without a clear object is existential in nature—it speaks to a longing for meaning, authenticity, and alignment.

Existential-humanistic psychotherapy recognises this space as fertile ground. It doesn’t rush to answers. Instead, it invites you to sit with the discomfort, to explore and coaching complements this by helping you translate insight into movement.

The Architecture of Beginning

Change doesn’t begin with certainty. It begins with a question. That question might be:

  • “What would it mean to live differently?”
  • “What am I afraid of?”
  • “What version of me is waiting to be seen?”

Coaching and psychotherapy don’t offer quick fixes. They offer frameworks for exploration. They help you build the architecture of beginning—quietly, patiently, and with respect for your complexity.

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email: info@harvest-therapy.co.uk

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